Sex File: My adult kids are cramping my sex life 

After divorce, a lot of women throw everything into being the best parent in the world. Actually, you could probably leave the last three words of that sentence out, because although few would admit it, there is often a competitive element to post-divorce parenting. 

It sounds as though, having spent the past ten years prioritising your children's needs over your own, some part of you is afraid that they will judge you for enjoying yourself.

It's understandable but a bit naive. The reality is that most young adults are intrinsically self-interested. That's not a bad thing — it's what allows them to cut the umbilical cord — but it means that if you can pluck up the courage to discuss the fact that you have a love life, you may find that they are relieved. They will say that they are happy for you but they will actually be happy for themselves. As adult children become more involved in their own lives, the idea that their parents have interests beyond them has increasing appeal.

You are, of course, right not to introduce them to every man you meet. There's no need to subject casual sexual partners to unnecessary filial scrutiny, and this is a time-limited restriction on your freedom. Your children will be out of the nest for good before you know it, and you can run naked from room to room as much as you like once they are gone. In the meantime, why not sleep over at a partner's place? It's easier to say you'll be out for the night than to deal with awkward exchanges in the kitchen and a post-mortem every time a date scurries home in the morning.

It can be difficult for young adults to understand why their mother may not be looking for a permanent relationship. Many women who come out of long-term relationships, whether through divorce or bereavement, find that once they get over the shock, they are happy on their own. Women tend to be much more self-reliant than men. They have stronger social connections and are more engaged with their family, friends and community. They may want male company for sex, dinner dates and holidays, but as for commitment, they've been there and washed the T-shirt.

The rising number of older women who are enjoying their independence, and who see sexual connection as something that enhances their life rather than completing it, is great, but it is why there has been an exponential rise in sexually transmitted infections in this age group. 

It's not particularly romantic, but do get yourself tested and practise safe sex. 

Send your questions to suzigodson@mac.com