TimeLeft: Can a new app help me make friends with strangers over dinner?
Imasha Costa pictured at Koto Restaurant, Carey's Lane, Cork City. Pic Larry Cummins
I was sitting on my couch one Wednesday evening, scrolling through my phone while watching brain-rotting TV, when I got an advert for an app. At first, I thought it was a scam.
“Have dinner with strangers tonight!” flashed up on my screen in big and bold letters. “In a city near you!”
The sponsored post was from a social meet-up app called TimeLeft, newly available in Cork. The concept behind the app is simple — sit down for dinner, at a restaurant not of your choosing, with five other strangers.
Now, who in their right mind would agree to something like this?
Well, someone like me; a woman who wants to branch out of my current social setting, meet new friends, learn new things, chat, eat food, and listen.
I am at a phase in my life where I am not too sure how to approach making new friends. As soon as I received my university degree, it was goodbye pizza socials and long nights in the library, and “Hello!” to adulting, balancing my 9 to 5, and trying not to get burned out.
I have tried to grow my hobbies and try new activities, but I find it difficult to approach someone and ask them to hang out, get a cup of coffee or go to a gig. This has led to, at times, a sense of loneliness.
A study from the University of Limerick suggests I am not alone.
Researchers found loneliness can be tied to key social transitions for people aged between 18-25, with transitions including things like leaving college, getting a full-time job, and/or moving to a new city or country.
Dr Emma Kirwan, who was lead author in the study, said these transitions “can disrupt our existing relationships” and these changes can contribute to people experiencing loneliness.
Looking at the advertisement for the app felt like a challenge. What’s the worst that could happen?
TimeLeft carries out weekly ‘social dinners’ across 56 countries and over 200 cities.
Those interested pay the app €12.99 to book a dinner, and then you sit back and relax, and let them do the rest.
You answer a questionnaire, and the app claims to pair you with five other people who share similar views.
You are also given the industries that they work in, and what nationality they are.
I booked in for two dinners. Here’s how I got on.
I am freaking out for possibly the first time since college orientation — what will the people be like?
What will their first impression of me be? What should I wear?
Thankfully, I know the dinner spot. I used to work in the restaurant when I was in college.
The staff remember me, the kitchen remembers me, if I need to make a run for it, I know it wouldn’t be an issue.
As soon as I enter the restaurant, I can feel the sweat dripping down my forehead.
Four people are already at the table.
“Hi, I’m Imasha, how are we?” I say as I sit down at the table.
The crowd is aged between their 20s and 40s. We all come from different backgrounds; engineering, law, marketing, teaching, and journalism.
Despite being a self-described extrovert, I struggle at first, not knowing when it’s my place to talk.
Eventually, as most dinners go, the conversations between us become smoother, gentler and easier.
The conversation flows from various aspects of our lives that interest us to our worst date stories.
We stay at the dinner table for over two hours, before people start to filter away. The bill is settled and we are left with three.
“Head to the pub for a drink, will we?” one of the men suggests. It’s a thumbs up from me.
I am going in with high expectations. Dinner one ended in a trip to the pub, chats ended only by the realisation it was a school night and we needed to get home.
I am ready to meet five other strangers — even if I am sweating and exhausted from the day that’s been, and in less of a mood to chat than night one.
Two different TimeLeft dinners are happening at the restaurant.
My second dinner? Well, it was an experience. Again, I knew every other person’s star signs going in – they really did show.
It is my idea of a personal nightmare. I stare into my meal hoping for the night to be over.
I think having an app like this is a great idea for making new friends, outside of regular social circles.
In a mainly digital age, it is becoming increasingly difficult to meet someone at a gig or pub and start a friendship or relationship.
And I can admit that I struggle with it and have large expectations when it comes to making new friends.
Associate Professor in Psychology in Maynooth and Chair of the Loneliness Taskforce Research Network, Dr Joanna McHugh Power, says “sometimes reducing our feelings of loneliness is about managing expectations”.
“The working world can be less socially stimulating than university, and emerging adulthood partly involves coming to terms with these changes in how we socialise.”
So would I rate TimeLeft as a viable option for making friends?
It’s a good way to meet new people and put yourself out there, but it may not be for everyone.
