Book extract: A freezing cold splash to clear the mind and forge new bonds

There must have been a man on every other step leading down to the waters of the Forty Foot, edging down as a procession, then plunging into the swell, before bobbing out to join what looked like a small, pale colony of seals.

What was striking, on the day we joined the Blueballs, was not just the exuberant entries into the water, but also the vibrant chat. Words like ‘wellbeing’ rippled across the crowd as they changed. 

Mental health ... Close to my heart ... Readdressing my relationship with alcohol ... The craic, you might say, was highly emotional.

“It’s great to see fellas getting comfortable, talking about their feelings and emotions,” says one swimmer, hanging out at the water’s edge.

Among the group was Eoin Flood, the man who started it, and a key figure in the developing mental health movement around cold water swimming in Dublin and wider Ireland. 

We didn’t talk about Eoin’s personal story right there, as we stood by the water. That happened months later, when we caught up again, over the phone.

The first thing the 42-year-old teacher told us was that he and his wife had just had a miscarriage. 

The way he said it, with such directness and open vulnerability, spoke volumes not only about him and the group he has grown, but the nature of the feelings they are used to putting out there.

One of the first things he explained, he had wanted to do, on hearing this recent devastating news and feeling its gut-wrenching loss, was to head down to the water with it.

“It instantly,” he says, “reduces the overwhelm feeling and brings me back to where I physically am.

“We had been doing IVF for three and a half years and it was a bitter pill to swallow. That fertility journey is also something I had shared with the lads. 

“I felt the only thing I could do to get myself regulated again was go for a swim.

“Talking about the miscarriage has helped me,” he adds. “I’ve noticed how many people start talking about it when you open your mouth. 

“My mam spoke to me about her having a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I’d never heard the story.”

It was just unbelievable. So many people from the older generation and they never got to talk about it at all.

What strikes you about Eoin is quite how emotionally eloquent he is. But, he says, he wasn’t always that way. 

During the pandemic, following the first two lockdowns, he found himself struggling. The period had coincided with him having a son and becoming a new dad.

“My mental health plummeted and I couldn’t figure out what it was.” 

Around that time, he set up the Ripple Effect, which began initially as an Instagram account for sharing people’s stories about outdoor swimming and mental health, but soon became a meet-up group.

“The big thing around the Ripple Effect meet-ups was to try and get people to connect again because we’d been isolated for so long. There was a really good crowd. 

“But around that time I also started joining these men’s groups and that was life-changing for me and made me reflect and be able to label parts of myself. It raised my awareness.

“I was able to observe patterns in myself. I had joined a men’s community online, a men’s circle started by Pat Divilly.”

For Eoin, it was his first experience of men’s groups and it opened his eyes to how many men were finding life hard.

Men struggling with mental health issues

“I knew with my own friendship groups that guys were struggling and I noticed that at the Ripple Effect meet-ups we were organising there were very few lads. One in 10 would be a lad.

“I started to wonder, what lads were doing to come together and chat. Where is there a safe space to do that? If you’re not in AA or recovery, where is there an opportunity for lads to come and talk.”

Around this time, he also came across Blue Balls Cornwall and was particularly inspired by the parallel mental health support group, Man Down, which was about talking.

“I like that idea of getting men every week to talk and form friendships,” says Eoin.

Soon he was bringing others on board, including café owner Jonathan Smith “who had turned his life around through sea swimming” and wellness expert and cold water advocate, Dean Smith, who had a centre in Bray that could host events.

With the Ripple Effect hitting an Instagram following of 7,000, they announced their first event on that platform.

“We just put it out there, saying, ‘We’re going to meet on Monday. The focal point is having a swim, let’s see how it goes’.” That first meet was, he recalls, on a rotten night.”

It was freezing. But around 25 lads showed up and I knew if we all got in, had a laugh and got out and shared a few words, I knew we were onto something. I felt it in my gut.

In addition to the swims, the Blue Balls also run another type of event, which is more about talking than dipping, but with the added physical thrill of a plunge in an ice bath at the end. 

From the start, the sessions had a strict set of guidelines around how the men speak.

“You talk personally,” says Eoin. “You talk with ‘ownershit’ — like own your shit. You talk about the ‘I’, don’t talk about the we. You talk about yourself.”

Some of this came from his experience of men’s circles, as did the ‘emotional vocabulary wheel’, listing feelings, which he put in the centre of the room, saying, “I would like you to pick a word from the wheel that represents how you’re feeling in this moment and then a sentence about why you came here tonight.”

The shares, he recalls, kicked off with a man saying, “I’m feeling heartbroken — because my brother died of cancer a year ago.”

“You could feel,” Eoin recalls, “the shoulders drop in the room. Because everybody else had permission to share. 

“There was a domino effect of all the lads opening up and bonding because they had shared something quite personal. It was laughter, tears.”

The group has also invited guest men’s facilitators to speak or hold workshops.

“We say to them: ‘We’re a voluntary group, would you be interested in coming and doing an evening with us?’ We ended up getting all these guest speakers in. Guys who worked in men’s work, from former addicts to former sports stars.

“Especially in recent history,” says Eoin, “there has been a lot of negative press about men. But one thing I would say is that I’ve come across so many good men — really good men and I kind of just wish people could see that.”

But for Eoin, the Blue Balls is not just about the talk — it’s still very much about the swimming, and what that does for us.

“There’s something about it,” he says. “It’s incredibly peaceful when you go in there, it quietens the mind. Also, though I don’t actually like cold, I love the cold sea. I love that feeling — that electricity goes through you.

“The sea makes me think clearly and I can be quite decisive after I’ve swum — and also really creative. 

“I feel like even when I was creating the Blue Balls, the decision became definite after a swim. I get this kind of burst of creativity and that’s something I sometimes really tap into.

“I see swimming as something really good for my mind. It also obviously has benefits for sleeping. It gives me clarity and makes things feel less overwhelming.

“It’s that old phrase, we swim so we don’t drown. I swim so I don’t drown in my own thoughts.”