#Farming Columnist - Denis Lehane

#Farming Columnist - Denis Lehane

Lighten Up

A COMPREHENSIVE SERIES OF ARTICLES ON THIS TOPIC

<p>Denis is striding through the fields like Maximus Decimus Meridius, in wellington boots, this week.</p>

farming

The Gladiator of Kilmichael

Denis is striding through the fields like Maximus Decimus Meridius, in wellington boots, this week.

<p>Finally our Denis can say "Hasta la vista, baby!" to hard work in this week's Lighten Up.</p>

farming

Robot farming in West Cork

<p>Now, with his seat in the Oval Office as secure as my granny's seat by the fire, is our chance as Irish farmers to get out there and convince Trump that a healthy America is one that dines on Irish beef, writes Denis Lehane.</p>

farming

Lighten Up: Trump needs Irish beef to make America great again (again)

Elderly couple at home

farming

Canoodling crisis in rural Ireland

Fertility testing dairy cattle

farming

Lighten Up: Farmer confusion as 'AI man' wins Nobel Prize

FBL-ENG-ENTERTAINMENT-99

farming

Lighten Up: Farmin' it like Beckham

Denis Lehane: Ireland needs a farmer for Eurovision

Denis Lehane: Ireland needs a farmer for Eurovision

Europe is sick and tired of all the Bambie Thugs and Jedwards we have been pushing their way. They are looking for an alternative. And I believe a farmer could be that alternative

Fri, 04 Oct, 2024

Land owner sleeping on his land

Denis Lehane: €13bn Apple money should be spent on beds for farmers

Our Farming columnist Denis Lehane has hatched a plan for how farmers could spend Apple's €13bn in this week's Lighten Up.

Sat, 28 Sep, 2024

Alcohol Drink In Airplane

Could the two-drink flying limit really take off?

A passenger on a plane needs a drink like a suckler calf needs a bucket of milk replacer, writes our Farming columnist Denis Lehane.

Mon, 16 Sep, 2024

Denis Lehane: I'm Ireland's answer to Kevin Costner

Denis Lehane: I'm Ireland's answer to Kevin Costner

They are anxious to make a movie about my life out here in the rough lands of Kilmichael, with Robert Redford rumoured to star in the epic

Mon, 09 Sep, 2024

Riding a bike with bare foot.

Urban cowboys: Cónal Creedon and Denis Lehane head to the mart

All I do know is that the nudists got their photo opportunity, and urban farmers could be next, writes Denis Lehane in this week's Lighten Up.

Mon, 02 Sep, 2024

Denis Lehane: The silage that smelt of Roses

Denis Lehane: The silage that smelt of Roses

As if by magic, down the road came this glamorous-looking bus filled with beautiful Roses from all over the world to help out this forlorn farmer, writes Denis Lehane

Sun, 25 Aug, 2024

Denis Lehane: With Tom Cruise jumping off buildings at 62, what chance do us farmers have of taking early retirement?

Denis Lehane: With Tom Cruise jumping off buildings at 62, what chance do us farmers have of taking early retirement?

The only thing sustaining me is the thought of my pension. There will be nothing of the kind, if Cruise doesn't slow down

Sat, 17 Aug, 2024

Denis Lehane: Hats off to Indiana Jones' auction

Denis Lehane: Hats off to Indiana Jones' auction

In a crazy world, where one man's garbage can become another man's prized possession, there will probably be great pomp and ceremony when the hat finally arrives in the sales ring

Sun, 11 Aug, 2024

Athlete Hand Holding Up Bunch of Gold Medals Blue Sky

If farming was an Olympic sport, I'd win gold

If mending broken fences or dragging full buckets of milk across a yard was an Olympic sport, our Denis says he would come home with gold.

Sat, 27 Jul, 2024

Harvesting Potatoes

Denis Lehane: A fortune at our feet

Denis' new venture will not only put money in your pocket, but a spring in your step.

Sat, 20 Jul, 2024

Old man's eye after cornea surgical operation and air bubble

Denis Lehane: I've eyes wide open to cataract cutback

Here in West Cork, the now famous 'Belfast or Blind' bus been giving countless numbers of people access to vital cataract surgery for years, writes Farming columnist Denis Lehane.

Sat, 13 Jul, 2024

black old TV with static on screen

Denis Lehane: RTÉ heads to the country

It all went wrong when RTÉ turned its back on 'Glenroe', writes Farming columnist Denis Lehane.

Sat, 06 Jul, 2024

Airline pilots are really silage contractors of the sky

Airline pilots are really silage contractors of the sky

In the olden days, the pilot was worshipped - just like the farmer. One was a hero of the sky, the other a god on the ground, writes Farming columnist Denis Lehane in this week's Lighten Up.

Sat, 29 Jun, 2024

Abandoned farmhouse in remote countryside

Could Den's farm rock to Taylor Swift?

Our Denis reckons he could be Cork's answer to Lord Henry Mount Charles... if only someone would back him.

Sat, 22 Jun, 2024

PORTUGAL-US-MUSIC-CELEBRITY

Lighten Up: Taylor Swift, where's me ticket?

Without wanting to panic the nation, the Taylor Swift concert is just around the corner, and our Farming columnist Denis Lehane is yet to receive my concert ticket.

Sat, 15 Jun, 2024

Denis Lehane: Dunmanway goes Intergalactic

Denis Lehane: Dunmanway goes Intergalactic

I was only in town to pay a ration bill and had never intended to be a spokesperson for planet earth, writes Farming columnist Denis Lehane.

Sat, 08 Jun, 2024

Exam cheating rises

Denis Lehane: The Leaving Cert needs to lighten up

With everyone wanting to be the next Tony O'Reilly or Mary Robinson, the Leaving Cert has taken on a life of its own.

Mon, 03 Jun, 2024

Black and white Bus stop sign

Denis Lehane: A bus run for rural love

All aboard our Denis' love bus...

Sat, 25 May, 2024

Directions to UK polling station

Hello, election poster. Goodbye, pothole

Our Denis reckons he has the key to topping the electoral polls, in this week's Lighten Up.

Wed, 22 May, 2024

Bruce Springsteen And The E Street Band Perform At The Kia Forum

Denis Lehane: Springsteen's Glory Days in West Cork

It was up in Kilkenny many moons ago that I saw Bruce in concert, writes Farming columnist Denis Lehane in this week's Lighten Up.

Sat, 11 May, 2024

using a laptop in a cafe

There's only one Cónal Creedon

One would have to wonder how difficult it must be for the other Denis Lehane when mistaken for me, ponders Irish Examiner Farming columnist Denis Lehane.

Wed, 01 May, 2024

Winter snowfall in the Brecon Beacons, Wales, UK

Denis Lehane: Outwintered animals are as sought-after as tickets to see Taylor Swift

The drums of Kilmichael did beat for the missing cattle

Tue, 30 Apr, 2024

EU referendum

Lighten Up: Our high flyer heads to Gigginstown

I will be heading Gigginstown on Saturday. If you should see me there, please give me a wide berth. I won't have time for aimless chitchat. I will be there on business.

Sun, 14 Apr, 2024

Raining Day in Dubai

Rain in Dubai, sunshine in Dunmanway

Our old pal Denis tries to escape the rain for a couple of days.

Sat, 13 Apr, 2024

Men Wearing Boots - Stock Photo

Lighten Up: Kate Winslet's message to Irish farmers

Kate Winslet had another secret reason for her recent trip to Cork, reveals Irish Examiner satire writer Denis Lehane.

Sun, 07 Apr, 2024

Baby calves feeding

Lighten Up: The Oscar goes to the calf rearer

If you want to see real pressure, look at a farmer today without a cow and attempting to make a living off the dairy calf, writes Farming columnist Denis Lehane.

Sun, 24 Mar, 2024

95th Annual Academy Awards - Red Carpet

Lighten Up: From Golden Oscars to Golden Wonders

Like the mart in many ways, only with a little more razzmatazz - our Denis enjoys a night with the stars.

Sun, 17 Mar, 2024

Nuclear explosion, mushroom-shaped cloud of exploding atomic bomb. Radioactive fire flames, atom bang. Nuke energy, power, deton

Lighten Up: Oppenheimer made a farm of my bomb-site

Turns out there's a few quid to be made for a cunning entrepreneurial agricultural fella making his way into the aul blockbuster game, writes farming satire writer Denis Lehane.

Sun, 03 Mar, 2024

Brown & white Herefordshire bull

My Angus now 'identifies' as a Hereford

Denis' Hereford bullock has been the pride of his farm since he bought him last year.

Sat, 24 Feb, 2024

cuttings

Kanye West... The greatest farming tool in the world

Kanye West has recently had his teeth replaced with metal dentures... always quick to spot an opportunity, Farming columnist Denis Lehane gives his take.

Sat, 17 Feb, 2024

RTE Campus

Denis Lehane: I'm selling the farm to RTÉ for a big sack of money

Is beloved Farming columnist Denis Lehane really about to quit farming for good?

Tue, 13 Feb, 2024

Love Letters tied with a Red Ribbon

Denis Lehane: I would dearly love a half dozen round bales of silage for Valentine's Day

Might I suggest we dispense with all the cards and instead give the farmer in your life something more suited to his wants and desires

Mon, 05 Feb, 2024

black belt

Denis Lehane: My glory days of turnips and Karate

I know it's hard to believe, but I was once a Karate Kid. To look at me now in mid-life, with my mild manners and spreading waistline, it's hard to fathom that I was once an instrument of mass destruction.

Sat, 27 Jan, 2024

Silhouette of palm trees against the setting sun with people walking at Waikiki Beach

Lighten Up: Zuckerberg and the flight of the Angus

Denis helps Mark Zuckerberg source foundation cows for his ranch in Hawaii in this week's Lighten Up.

Sat, 20 Jan, 2024

Denis Lehane: Oppenheimer, the struggling cattle farmer

Denis Lehane: Oppenheimer, the struggling cattle farmer

The film Oppenheimer, like scour in young calves, is rampant at the moment. It's everywhere you look. Golden Globes, Oscars, red carpet, it's a film too smart to ignore. Too clever to lose.

Sun, 14 Jan, 2024

Investment

Denis Lehane: How to become the richest man in the world

If you believe what the interweb gurus tell you, any old fool can become the richest man in the world, and never a man without a plan, Farming columnist Denis Lehane offers his suggestions.

Sat, 06 Jan, 2024

Pilot in cockpit

Denis Lehane: Murty the pilot saves Christmas... thanks to me

Murty landed his plane safely somewhere over the Himalayas on Christmas Eve using all the survival skills he learned from me here on this West Cork farm

Wed, 27 Dec, 2023

Christmas in Summer

Denis Lehane: Santa Claus has received his Single Farm Payment

He was only itching to spend. And spend big too by the looks of it.

Mon, 18 Dec, 2023

25/11/2015. Turkeys For Christmas

Denis Lehane: Losing my vision, on account of the big bird

To put it into farming terms, the retina of my left eye, a bit like a section of silage cover, had come away from the pit

Mon, 11 Dec, 2023

Lighten Up: Brushing off Dáithí's hairdo, until Christmas

Lighten Up: Brushing off Dáithí's hairdo, until Christmas

It's not just the grass which could do with a reseed, Farming columnist Denis Lehane writes.

Sun, 12 Nov, 2023

Dance hall with swing dancers

Denis Lehane: The last waltz for the bachelor farmer

I am calling on you to help me kick open the dance hall door. We need to fight for the lonely heartbroken that still exist in rural Ireland

Mon, 06 Nov, 2023

Music sales

Denis Lehane: Lighten up - The Beatles' new single and my part in its discovery

My Beatles connection all started many years ago when in search of a car to pull a cow box, I bought one once owned by John Lennon himself

Mon, 30 Oct, 2023

Willie Nelson

Denis Lehane: Farm Aid would be music to my ears

It's high time our musicians tuned into the idea of a rock concert in aid of farmers, like they do in the States

Mon, 23 Oct, 2023

Denis Lehane: No Country for old gardaí

Denis Lehane: No Country for old gardaí

Raising the recruitment age to 50 gives old guys like me the chance to be TJ Hooker before we die

Tue, 17 Oct, 2023